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Don't Blame It on Rio: The Real Deal Behind Why Men Go to Brazil for Sex, by Jewel Woods, Karen Hunter
PDF Ebook Don't Blame It on Rio: The Real Deal Behind Why Men Go to Brazil for Sex, by Jewel Woods, Karen Hunter
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There is a not-so-new, not-so-secret destination where a growing number of American black men are traveling for the kind of sex and freedom they say they can't find with black women. Thousands of unsuspecting women are kissing their men good-bye while they go on "business" trips to Rio where they meet up with some of their friends and have sex every way they can imagine-no strings, no hassles, and no conscience.
This social worker is a Ph.D. student at the Mandel School of Applied Social Science at Case Western Reserve University in Ohio. He is the founder of The Renaissance Male Project Inc. and a New Voices Fellow 2005. He has made appearances on both national and regional television and radio shows, and print publications such as Essence magazine, The Toledo Blade, and the Cleveland Plain Dealer.
- Sales Rank: #304850 in Books
- Published on: 2008-04-24
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.50" h x 1.25" w x 5.75" l, .94 pounds
- Binding: Hardcover
- 320 pages
Review
'An important and provocative work which shows how the historical challenges of men of colour have drastically changed' - Dr Vince Diaz, Professor of American Culture at the University of Michigan
About the Author
This social worker is a Ph.D. student at the Mandel School of Applied Social Science at Case Western Reserve University in Ohio. He is the founder of The Renaissance Male Project Inc. and a New Voices Fellow 2005. He has made appearances on both national and regional television and radio shows, and print publications such as Essence magazine, The Toledo Blade, and the Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Karen Hunter, a Pulitzer-Prize winning journalist, has teamed up to write six bestsellers including: I MAKE MY OWN RULES (1997) with LL Cool J, LADIES FIRST (1999) with Queen Latifah, WENDY'S GOT HEAT (2003) and THE WENDY WILLIAMS EXPERIENCE (2004) with Wendy Williams, and ON THE DOWN LOW (2004) with JL King. In addition to her books, Karen is also an Assistant Professor in the Film & Media Department at Hunter College.
Most helpful customer reviews
14 of 14 people found the following review helpful.
the most depressing book I've read in ages
By Lucero
I read this book last night on the recommendation of a friend. I speak Portuguese and have lived and studied in Rio de Janeiro. I was appalled at how self-centered and just "clueless" the comments were from the men who go to Rio for sex. I applaud the authors for at least bringing this issue to light, and trying to draw some conclusions from it. Rio has always had an undercurrent of wildness, and I do agree that Brazilians overall are more open about sex than Americans but they are not immoral or the sex objects portrayed by some of the men in the book and the tourism industry. Also for decades Afro-Brazilians have rallied AGAINST the depiction of the "mulata" this mixed race sex machine that has been exported and exploited. The Afro-Brazilians I met in Brazil were disgusted and insulted by this dehumanizing image.
It bothered me also, that based on liaisons with Brazilian women who are sex professionals/prostitutes, the men who participate have drawn conclusions about all Brazilian women, African-American women and Brazilian culture. In the first place if you don't speak the language you get about 10% of what is going on in a country. Secondly, these women who they pay to have sex are not representative of all Brazilian women, not even all cariocas (women from Rio). They are women PAID to have sex who have learned to create a fantasy for these men in order to make more money. If these guys had no money and landed in Rio and could not speak the language, they would not be getting this attention. How shallow is it to consider this kind of situation as something worth leaving your country for or your girlfriend or using it as proof that black women in the U.S. are not up to par?
I think they have a right to go there and participate in prostitution if they want to--they should not be upset if they get arrested for doing something illegal--but they should not stereotype all Brazilian women or all African-American women based on their sexual encounters with paid sex workers. Call it what it is. You are a trick and she is a prostitute. If that floats your boat, go right ahead but don't pretend it is some kind of magical beautiful relationship.
Third, when I was living in Rio, Discoteca "Help" in Copacabana had a nasty reputation and no self-respecting Brazilian women I knew would set foot in there. It was looked down upon and not a place where average Brazilian twenty somethings would visit.
Lastly, it bothers me that there was no regard for these Brazilian women as people. Although I don't approve of what they do, sex for money, many, if not most of them, are desperate and don't have many options in life. Brazil is a beautiful and exciting country but most of the people are POOR. They do not do this because they love it, they do it because it makes them more money (or meals/clothes) than any other jobs they can get. They do it to survive. I think the study would have been more balanced had the authors included some comments from Brazilian prostitutes about why they do this. However, that would have popped the bubble, the fantasy for the men who engage in this. Some of the men who go probably don't care that these women may live in slums (favelas) and only sleep with them for the money, but there are others I'm sure that have a conscience and would be bothered by it if they actually spent time shadowing these women in their own neighborhoods and seeing how they live, rather than keeping them in a nice hotel or apartment.
The other thing I would like to add is that in addition to the lack of discussion about the risks of this kind of reckless sex, many of these black american men are influential with money to spend. Although I don't begrudge them having "fun" their money could really go a long way to help Brazilian people if they actually learned something about the culture and decided to channel it into community programs. Some of these women they frequent probably have pimps and others who take a cut of their earnings. Surely from the description most of them are not doing this by themselves but are part of a big network who channel their services to African-American men in particular. Many of these women are sisters, and rather than throwing so much money into sex tourism, black American men could be helping them to start their own legitimate business or revitalize their communities. It's not their responsibility to do that, of course. But what they are doing with the sex tourism is taking advantage of the desperation of these women in order to have some wild sex and heal their insecurities.
41 of 48 people found the following review helpful.
Not too impressed
By KBH
In an attempt to offer a balanced review of this work, I found myself in a conundrum: Why is it that these men find no fault in their own behavior; and choose to deflect total blame on American black women?
I found the book somewhat cliché in that it offered nothing new that hasn't been written on blogs, in popular magazine and on Youtube. I guess I was looking for more sustenance; instead I found the book rehashing those same rationales: American black women are too goal focused, materialistic, physically unattractive, sexually inhibited and lack the ability to please our men.
Ok... got it.
Not really....
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Quite honestly, sex tourism is not new. Many men (black, White...) have traveled to distant lands in search of some exotic poon that they don't think exists at home. As a matter of fact, a very good friend of mine traveled to Rio several years ago with some friends; and was very candid about the freaky sex, the beautiful women...the freaky sex and of course, the freaky sex. To him, he'd realized very quickly what the game was about. It was about sex. Which, is why, I believe, looking for deeper meaning in this behavior is problematic. Primarily because the motivation seems to be linked to sex.
_________________________
It's not the sex that I question. It's the deeper message that people are trying to derive from this. Primarily that it's the fault of American black women, and our inability to be feminine, freaky, intelligent (yet not too intelligent), and live solely for the purpose of pleasing our men. We are supposed to engage in every type of freaky sexual act (or at least not out-right refuse), cook, clean, physically birth children, yet remain as thin, tone and flawless as a nulli-parius 19 year old; and not become too focused on our own careers and ambitions.
When I attempted to summarize this text, I found that it (and many of the anecdotes) was parked at the intersection of narcissism and immaturity. I found that many of the interviewees found that they needed not to be partnered with black women; yet served by black women. Many of the men, not surprisingly, were either divorced, or had several failed relationships. Yet, at no time did any of them cast blame with the "man in the mirror" for the state of their failed relationships with American black women.
I also found it amazingly interesting that many of the interviewees found the sexual freedom of Brazilian women attractive; but degraded American black women who were sexual. Most painful for me to read was the chapter on "Morris-Brown, Clark and Spellman college women", when the barrage of "ho comments" were introduced. I also found it a bit sad when these men openly admitted that American black women exploited the sex-drives of professional black men for money or materialism, yet could not see that "paying to travel to a poor country for sex" was intrinsically, exploitive. In other words, the interviewees were quick to blame their behavior on American black women's lack of ...whatever...; yet couldn't admit that traveling to a poor country for sex with women (many of whom don't even speak the language) was equally or if not worse than any perceived manipulation they faced by American black women.
Another issue (as a public health researcher) that bothered me was the high rates of STDs and HIV in this country. These men spoke candidly about risky sexual behaviors; yet omitted any consequences these behaviors had on their health, the health of their partners (in the US) and the health of the women involved.
Also, it almost comical that many of these men really believed that they were in "exclusive, monogamous relationships"; when it's clear that they will quickly be replaced once the passport expires, and the next group of brothas who paid for the experience, roll down. Yet, for some men, this seems to be more attractive then working on mature relationships with women who are their social and intellectual peers.
I don't know. I really think this whole "Rio-thang" is more about ego-stroking, fantasy and no-frills sex than about some systematic abuse from black women. And not an epidemic among black men.
16 of 18 people found the following review helpful.
Good book, provocative and thought provoking.
By cmanbrazil
I really enjoyed reading the book. The book talks about the frustrations of some African American men in the middle class, and how this plays out in their trips to Brazil and interaction with Brazilian prostitutes. All of the issues that were laid out in the book aren't mine, but even if they aren't, I can remember those points being discussion points when hanging out with some of my friends. I like how the book was written, easy to digest and not lost in a bunch of academic terminology. I think that his writing style will get a lot more people to read it.
The question of are Black women necessary is an interesting one. As an African American man who has been to "Copa" -Copacabana in Rio, I like how Woods' dealt with the contrast between the dream created in Copa and the reality lived in the U.S. What I like best is the issue at hand for many African American men, which is to come home to a safe environment, where they feel respected for the battles they fight everday. I think it is pretty acceptable in a lot of literature to explore African American women's needs, but what about the Brotha's. I know "Copa" is fake, but what is real is that many African American men are looking for things they are just not getting.
The Chapter just drinking and sexing is real accurate about the "Copa" experience. I can't say Brazil experience, because Copa is a tourist area, which caters to foreigners. If you move into other areas of the city, or other cities in Brazil, the experience is different, and in my view much better -or real. The quotes from the men who have went do good job of describing how intoxicating the experience is, and the type of impression it leaves on some of the men who experience it. I also like how it describes how African American men treat one another there. In Copa, for the most part, there is no fighting, no disrespect, and you can find guys who may not interact otherwise, having good conversations with one another. The Hip Hop and porn issues are interesting. I liked how Woods, through the stories of the guys, explored how men in Brazil were defining their own sexuality, and then in turn, questioned the validity of it.
I liked the chapters that dealt with some of the gender confusion African American men have with African American women -have been through some of them- and how it causes a lot of frustration amongst brotha's. I think if anything, it is hard for some African American men to find their voice -outside of locker rooms- about their gender issues with African American women. It is more than just sex. It's the whole role issue of who is supposed to do what in a relationship. I think the projection of femininity put on prostitutes who are getting paid to provide an illusion is about as much of a stretch as looking to pornography to define what sex in a relationship is supposed to be like.
The weight issue is deep. Again, there aren't many legitimate forums to discuss these issues without getting bashed for being insensitive. However, the weight of your significant other is an issue. If it is an issue for African American women, then logically, their partners are going to have an issue as well. I think what the book shows to me is that when people don't discuss what they feel openly, it gets dealt with inappropriately. The issue for all African Americans is to take care of ourselves better, including dealing with our weight.
I like the mantle man chapter as well. I think there are a lot of expectations put on African American men in the middle class that either we can't, or don't want to meet. There is a lot of pressure put on men in a patriarchal society. What I find funny about this chapter, is the conception that Brazilian women are somehow more understanding of an African American mans struggle then African American women. As a brotha married to a Brazilian woman, who about ten minutes ago just created a second job for me, I find it hilarious. Brazil doesn't have welfare, people hustle to grow, and don't look kindly on whiners mad that life is a struggle. I interact a lot with the Brazilian community in my city, and get energized by their expectations of themselves, even when they are not here legally. They don't get caught up in a sense of entitlement, just like a lot of other foreign people coming to the U.S.
To close, I think the book does a good job at sparking discussion, I just hope people will have conversations instead of talking "at" one another. Personally, I also hope people focus on other aspects of Brazil. It is such a rich country, full of Black folks, culture, oppression, liberation, and everything else. Many African Americans go to Bahia for its rich cultural experience, and build good friendships. I also think it is okay for African American's to learn from other cultures, like so many have learned from us over the years. I know my work ethic has grown after interacting with the Brazilian community in my city. I also learn from African's and others who come to the U.S. and do a better job economically than many Americans of any race do.
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